First Impressions Last a Lifetime

We use the finest organic toddler fertilizer. 

Mediocre parenting tip: Do not go camping while trying to potty train. It's confusing to the trainee.

For Father's Day last year we decided to take Harper the Brave on her first camping trip. We were nearing the end of potty training so we decided to skip the diapers and let her go outside. She loved it. So much so that when we got home I'd have to physically redirect Harper when she'd take off in a dead sprint to the front door instead of the bathroom. I was like a basketball player guarding the ball, shuffling sideways in a low, wide stance, with my arms out, keeping myself between her and the front door.

Fast-forward a couple days, and our new neighbors are out front, so I go out to say hello. They are wonderful: southern, sweet, charming. As we're talking, I see their gaze slowly drift to something behind me. I turn to look, and it's Harper. Pooping in the flower bed.

I quickly hustle her inside to have my husband clean her up while I'm saying the typical, "She's never done this before," and "Kids are so unpredictable" type of thing.

Finally everything had settled down and Harper was back to her sidewalk chalk. Our conversation with the neighbors had resumed and it seemed as if they might not even remember the incident. That's when I see their eyes drift over my shoulder. In my head I'm hoping it's because she's a sidewalk chalk Picasso and they can't peel their eyes from her amazing artwork. Nope.

I slowly follow their gaze to Harper. Pooping on the sidewalk.

"Good God, child! How much poop is in you?" I say as we head inside.

Quietly behind me I hear our neighbors say, "Bless her heart," which I have recently learned is Southern for "Her life is terrible and I wouldn't switch places with her for anything."