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| While it's not ok to comment on a pregnant woman's size, it IS ok to laugh at her jokes about her size. |
Inappropriate comment:
"You must be having a boy. They say boys steal your beauty."
Why this is not ok:
Because it's not. Even my four-year-old would know this is not ok to say.
Possible alternative:
"Hey, girl. You look great today." Lie, just lie. And if you're not comfortable with lying, offer to do her laundry while she takes a nap.
Inappropriate comment:
"How dilated are you?"-said by the grocery store cashier.
Why this is not ok:
If I'm just trying to buy a few groceries, please don't ask me about the size of my cervix.
Possible alternative:
Would you like paper or plastic?
Inappropriate comment:
"When were you due, yesterday?"-said to my neighbor who was five months pregnant.
Why this is not ok:
It implies she is bigger than she should be.
Possible Alternative:
"You look good. Want me to do your laundry for you?"
Inappropriate comment:
"Are you sure it's not twins?"
Why it's not ok:
I'm pretty sure if it were twins they would have told me at one of the 942 doctor's appointments I've gone to since I got pregnant. You basically just called me fat.
Possible alternative:
"Why don't you get off your feet while I do your laundry?"
Inappropriate comment:
"That explains why you've been nine months pregnant for the last four months." -My dumbass said this to my neighbor after she give birth to a toddler-sized newborn.
Why it's not ok:
Because there are literally a million other things to say to someone who has just had a baby.
Possible alternative:
Congrats. She's perfect. Way to go, Momma. Want me to do your laundry?
Regarding Having A Third Kid:
Inappropriate comment:
"You know they say two is company, three's a crowd."
Why it's not ok:
I'm already pregnant with our third. If I came to you beforehand and asked your thoughts on having three kids, that would've been a perfect time for this statement. Now it's a bit late.
Possible alternative:
"If your hands are full those first few months, let me know and I'll come over and do your laundry."
Inappropriate comment:
"You're going to want to kill yourself those first few weeks." -This has actually been said to me by two different people.
Why it's not ok:
This is in no way helpful or insightful.
Possible alternative:
"If you need someone to drink wine with after the baby comes, I'm your girl."
Honorable Mention Inappropriate comment:
"You must be trying for a boy."
(Most people do not consider this inappropriate, but for some reason it bothers me. If you tell me YOU hope I have a boy or you think I'm having a boy, it doesn't bother me at all. Confusing, I know. I blame the hormones.)
Why it's not ok:
It implies that having two girls is somehow incomplete. If you must know, we're not trying for a boy. We're just trying for not an asshole.
Possible alternative:
Congrats.
If you see something on this list that looks vaguely familiar, don't worry, we all fall victim to clumsy mouth sometimes. When in doubt, ask yourself this question: Is what I'm about to say a helpful statement? If not, just stick with "Congrats."
